• Heterosexuality refers to those whose primary attractions are to people of the opposite sex. Such individuals are sometimes referred to as straight.
• Homosexuality refers to those whose primary attractions are to people of the same gender. Typically, men who are attracted to men are referred to as gay and women who are attracted to women are referred to as lesbians, though they may also identify as gay.
• Bisexuality refers to those who are attracted to both men and women; such individuals are often referred to as bisexual or bi.
• Some individuals avoid labels such as straight, gay, or bi and may refer to themselves as same-gender loving or use no label at all.
• Queer is often used, by younger members of the LGBT community, as an all-encompassing term that refers to all individuals who defy sexual or gender norms, including transgender or transsexual individuals. However, many older members of the community feel uncomfortable with this term, due to its derogatory history; consequently, caution should be exercised in its use.
• LGBT may also be used to refer to those within this group and stands for lesbian-gay-bisexual-transgender.

Sex refers to our biological sex, as determined by chromosomes and sexual organs. Sexual orientation refers to our attraction to others of the same or opposite gender. Gender identity, on the other hand, refers to an individual’s identification with male or female gender roles and behaviors. Most biological men identify as male and most biological women identify as female. However, there are a minority of individuals who feel that their biological sex and their gender do not match.

• Transgender refers to individuals who feel that they have been born as the wrong gender and are truly a member of the opposite sex. These individuals may dress and act as the opposite sex and sometimes change their names and pronouns to reflect their true gender.
• Transsexual is a term used to refer to transgender people who choose to, or are intending to, have sexual reassignment surgery. Additionally, some people who are undergoing hormone therapy, but who do not intend to undergo surgery, also refer to themselves as transsexual.
• Transgender or transsexual women who were born male are often referred to as MTF, which stands for male-to-female. Transgender or transsexual men who were born female are often referred to as FTM, which stands for female-to-male.
• Transgender and transsexual people may identify as straight, gay, lesbian, bi or any other sexual orientation. In other words, sexual orientation and gender identity are independent of each other.
• People often confuse transgender or transsexual people with transvestites or drag queens and drag kings. There may be some overlap, but generally speaking, these categories differ.
  • A transvestite or cross-dresser is someone who obtains sexual pleasure from dressing in the clothes of the opposite gender, but does not wish to be, or feel that they are, that gender.
  • A drag queen or drag king typically refers to a gay man who dresses in women’s clothing or a lesbian who dresses in men’s clothing, usually for entertainment purposes. They may also identify as transgender, though generally do not.
  • Other terms used to identify an individual’s gender identity include butch and femme. Butch refers to men or women who identify as masculine and endorse male gender roles. Femme refers to men or women who identify as feminine and endorse female gender roles. Typically these terms refer to an extreme gender identity that is hyper masculine or hyper feminine and are sometimes used derogatorily. Again, gender identity is independent from sexual orientation - there are feminine heterosexual men and gay women, and masculine gay men and heterosexual women.

LGBT individuals who keep their sexual orientation or gender identity a secret are often referred to as being in the closet. When a person decides to share this part of their identity with others, it is referred to as coming out of the closet or simply coming out.

Why do LGBT people come out?

Coming out is often an integral part of developing a healthy LGBT identity. Remaining in the closet means that you choose hide who you are to those around you. It means lying about your relationships, pretending to be someone you are not, and keeping a large part of your identity secret from loved ones. This can be very painful and does not contribute to overall psychological health. Research has shown that coming out is strongly related to developing a positive LGBT identity, better psychological adjustment and mental health, and higher self-esteem.

Why is coming out difficult?

Coming out can be difficult because there are still many false stereotypes and unwarranted prejudice against LGBT people. Many conservative communities and religious groups teach that being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender is sick, wrong, dangerous, immoral and deserving of punishment and/or ostracism. Challenging these stereotypes can be very difficult, especially if the individual does not have access to a supportive community or positive representations of LGBT people. Many people remain in the closet because they fear, sometimes realistically, that they will be rejected by their loved ones and are at risk for physical violence. In addition, LGBT people often face prejudice and discrimination from co-workers, religious institutions, government and laws, and even friends and family. According to a 1989 national survey conducted by the American Psychological Association, 5% of gay men and 10% of lesbians reported physical assault related to their sexuality in the last year and 47% reported some type of discrimination in their lifetime. All of these issues can contribute to feelings of being different or alone that can be painful and challenging to overcome.

What contributes to a healthy coming out experience?

Support from friends and family and positive images and contact with LGBT people can contribute to an easier coming out experience and a healthier identity in the long run. The following model of coming out may help you better understand the process. This model describes coming out as a process that involves both the development of individual sexual identity and identity as a member of a sexual minority group. It provides information about some of the behaviors and/or feelings an individual might feel at each of the four stages. It is important to note that individual and group sexual identity development are somewhat independent; an individual can be at different stages of the two types of development.

McCarn and Fassinger’s (1996) Model of Coming Out
(Summary of model reproduced from Miller, Bobner, & Zarski (2000)

Individual Sexual Identity Development

Phase 1: Awareness. This phase describes an awareness of sexual feelings and desires that are different than heterosexual norms. Non-conscious beliefs about sexuality may be questioned. An individual in this phase may experience confusion, fear, and bewilderment.

Phase 2: Exploration. The second phase involves exploration of sexual feelings toward people of the same sex or one particular individual of the same sex. Sexual behaviors are not necessarily explored. Affective states are likely to include longing, excitement, and wonder.

Phase 3: Deepening/Commitment. An individual in this phase may experience a deepening of sexual and emotional knowledge of self as well as a stronger commitment to self-fulfillment. This commitment is likely to affect the group identity process and may require addressing some group membership tasks. Crystallization of some choices about sexuality may occur in this phase. One is likely to feel some combination of anger, sadness, acceptance, and self-assurance.

Phase 4: Internalization/Synthesis. In the final phase, the individual has more fully integrated same-sex desire/love into his or her total self-concept. This is likely the result of years of emotional and sexual exploration. One’s role identity is synthesized into ego identity, creating a sense of consistency, certainty, and unwillingness to change.

Group Membership Identity Development

Phase 1: Awareness. In this phase there is awareness that heterosexuality is not a universal norm. The realization that different sexual orientations exist may result in feelings of confusion and bewilderment. The individual is likely to understand that alternative sexual orientations exist, but not be aware of the oppression of those groups.

Phase 2: Exploration. The individual in the exploration phase searches to define his or her position in the lesbian/gay community and may experience a wide range of attitudes depending on the extent of internalized homophobia and the accessibility of information bout the community. An increasing awareness of heterosexism may produce anger, anxiety, and guilt, but exploring the existence of other lesbians/gays may also allow for excitement, curiosity, and joy.

Phase 3: Deepening/Commitment. This phase affords a deeper understanding of the values and oppression of the lesbian/gay community. There is an increased awareness of the possible consequences of commitment to involvement in the lesbian/gay community. Feelings of excitement, pride, and rage may emerge.

Phase 4: Internalization/Synthesis. The individual in this phase has internalized his or her identity as a member of the lesbian/gay community and may experience feelings of consistency, fulfillment, and security. An awareness of oneself as a member of an oppressed group does not mean one has become politically active. There is movement toward individualized evaluation of gays and non-gays and toward an integrated worldview.

Same-sex relationships have always existed, throughout history. However, they have been more or less accepted at different times. For example, in ancient Greece, sexual relationships between men were considered both normal and expected. However, in contemporary society, negative attitudes about men loving men and women loving women persist, although great strides have been made and change continues. We now know that same-sex relationships are normal and healthy, and quite common - the 2000 Census found that same-sex couples live in 99.3% of all U.S. counties!

Various studies have demonstrated that individuals in same-sex relationships are as satisfied with their relationship as opposite sex couples, and that children raised by same-sex parents are as well adjusted and no more likely to experience problems than children raised by opposite-sex parents. However, individuals in same-sex relationships, as well as their friends and family members, may face a number of challenges from the outside world in the form of prejudice and discrimination. This is partly due to a number of myths about same-sex relationships that still persist. Many people have misguided ideas about what characterizes a gay or lesbian relationship. Below are a few (though certainly not all) common myths and realities about same-sex relationships. Most of these myths are born out of prejudice and homophobia and have little to do with reality.

Myth: LGBT people, particularly gay men and bisexuals, are promiscuous. Reality: Some LGBT people, just like some heterosexual people, are promiscuous, but being promiscuous has nothing to do with a person's sexual or gender orientation.

Myth: LGBT people do not want, and are not capable of, long-term monogamous relationships. Reality: In general, LGBT people are just as capable of long-term committed relationships as heterosexual people. Statistics show that most gay and lesbian relationships are stable and committed. The lack of legal rights for same-sex couples (e.g., the right to marry) makes it harder to study the stability of such relationships and contributes to this myth.

Myth: In a same-sex relationship, one partner takes on the “male” role and the other partner is the “female”. Reality: Same-sex relationships are typically not governed by traditional gender roles, rather most gay men and lesbians reject these roles and form a relationship based on equality. If one partner does take on a more mentoring role, then this usually occurs when there is an age difference and the older partner acts as a role model.

Myth: Same-sex relationships usually consist of an older gay person who has taken advantage of a younger person who is questioning or confused about their identity. Reality: This is one of the more virulent myths, portraying LGBT people as predatory or child molesters. It is NOT true. Most same-sex relationships are consensual and occur between people of near the same age. Child molesters are, in fact, usually heterosexual, whether their victims are boys or girls.

Myth: Same-sex relationships are unhealthy and abnormal. Reality: Research has shown no differences in satisfaction, happiness, commitment, or healthiness of opposite-sex and same-sex relationships. Same-sex relationships appear to be at no greater risk for problems than heterosexual relationships.

In the past 100 years there have been immense changes in attitudes toward LGBT people and the legal and social rights LGBT people have access to. Despite these changes, LGBT people continue to face prejudice, discrimination, lack of legal rights that heterosexual people enjoy, and even physical danger.

• It is still legal in 38 states for employers to fire LGBT people because of their sexuality.
• Many states continue to have sodomy laws that make same-sex sexual contact illegal.
• People in same-sex relationships still do not have all the legal rights and privileges associated with marriage that people in heterosexual relationships have, though vast strides are being made in this arena by states like Vermont and California, which now have domestic partnership laws.
  • This includes the right to visit their sick or dying partner in the hospital, unless the family-of-origin allows it.
  • It includes tax breaks that married people have and laws that make sure that both partners receive an equitable settlement when a relationship ends (i.e. divorce).
  • It includes inheritance rights and co-parenting.
  • Some LGBT people even lose their homes when their partner dies and his/her blood relatives lay claim to a house and property that was shared by the couple.

What is homophobia?

Homophobia literally means an irrational fear of homosexuality, but the common usage includes much more than simple fear. Homophobia includes both a fear of homosexuals and a fear of intimate relationships with the same sex. It is also an attitude of repulsion, disgust or hatred towards LGBT people based upon the belief that homosexuality is morally wrong, disgusting or shameful. Homophobia is an aversion to LGBT people and actions based on that aversion. (Some people use the words “biphobia” and “transphobia” to refer to the same type of attitude towards bisexual or transgender people, but we include these under the term “homophobia.”)

What is heterosexism?

Heterosexism is both an attitude and a social system. As an attitude, heterosexism is the belief that heterosexuality is the preferred sexual preference, that it is the only “normal” sexual orientation, and that all others are inferior. It is analogous to sexism or racism.

As a social system, heterosexism is the system of laws and cultural attitudes based on the belief that heterosexuality is preferable, normal and right. These include laws against open LGBT people working in the military, refusal to allow same-sex relationships the rights given to heterosexual relationships, and the lack of protection against hate crimes and discrimination based on sexual orientation. Heterosexism is also seen in the lack of positive images of LGBT people in the media and the overwhelming pervasiveness of heterosexual imagery.

What are hate crimes/incidents?

Hate crimes/incidents are attacks against an individual or group of individuals that are motivated by a hatred of the group they belong to. Hate crimes/incidents are leveled against ethnic minorities, certain religious groups, women and LGBT people, among others. A hate crime is defined as an act that incites violence against a victim or property, or places a potential victim at reasonable fear of physical injury. Hate incidents consist of other acts motivated by hate that are not considered to be illegal (e.g., shouting slurs at a member of a hated group). Hate crimes against LGBT people include physically or sexually assaulting someone because they are perceived to be LGBT. Other examples include harassment in the workplace or school, attacks on property owned by LGBT people (such as vandalism), and harassment of friends or family members of the LGBT community, or harassment of LGBT groups. Hate crimes and incidents are intended to make LGBT people fearful, keep them closeted, and, in some cases, to punish them for challenging heterosexist norms. They may also result from the perpetrator’s fear of being gay and a subsequent desire to lash out at others who remind the perpetrator of that fear (i.e. LGBT people). If you have experienced a hate crime, please report it at the UCLA LGBT Resource Center’s anonymous hate crimes reporting site.

What can I do to combat homophobia, heterosexism and hate crimes/incidents?

There are many things that we can all do to combat prejudice, discrimination and violence.

• Educate yourself about LGBT issues, get to know LGBT people, and pass this information on to others who may not know about such issues.
• When you hear an anti-LGBT joke or comment, such as “that’s so gay” to indicate something negative, say something. Tell the person that you think such comments are prejudiced, wrong, and that they are not funny.
• Support legislation and social action that is designed to provide greater safety and rights to LGBT people. Combat anti-LGBT legislation, such as sodomy laws or laws that refuse to recognize same-sex relationships.
• Examine your own internal homophobia and heterosexism (we all have it, even LGBT people, it comes from living in a homophobic and heterosexist society). Try to understand where those feelings and ideas come from and challenge them with anti-heterosexist language and deeds. Engaging in this personal growth can be a bit painful, as you discover prejudices that you didn’t know you had, but it’s essential to combating prejudice.
• Address homophobia and heterosexism when you see it around you and find ways to make changes. For example, a student might challenge heterosexist class curriculum and work for change; an employee might work for domestic partner benefits.
• Talk about it. Discuss these issues with friends and family and encourage open dialogue, which will ultimately change attitudes and beliefs.