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Immediate Help if You've Been Sexually Assaulted
Taking Action, What to do if You're Sexually Assaulted Putting the Pieces Back Together How to Help a Friend Who Has Been Sexually Assaulted UCLA Protocol for Responding to Sexual Assault Back to Sexual Violence Back to What's Your Concern? |
Recovering from Sexual Assault
Sexual assault can be terrifying and traumatic. After an assault, it’s not uncommon to feel fearful, confused, guilty, ashamed, or isolated. You do not have to deal with these feelings alone. There are many concerned people at UCLA and in the community to help you recover and heal. Whether you were assaulted recently or at some time in the past, you may find yourself experiencing:
Immediately After an Assault
A sexual assault, whether by a stranger or an acquaintance, can be very frightening
and disorienting. Survivors of sexual assault are often confused about what they
should do next, and many question whether what happened was really rape at all,
especially if the assailant was someone they knew or with whom they’ve had a
relationship. Survivors of sexual assault are also often frightened to call
or tell someone else because they worry that they will not be believed or because
they are ashamed or feel responsible. If you have been sexually assaulted or
raped it is important to remember that it is not your fault and that
it is not your fault and that you have the right to receive assistance
from people who will believe you and help you in your recovery.
If you have recently been assaulted it is important to seek medical care. Frequently, victims of an assault are so upset and disoriented that they are not aware of other physical injuries. The Rape Treatment Center Santa Monica - UCLA Medical Center, one of the best rape treatment centers in the country, provides FREE medical care, evidence collection, and long-term counseling to help you recover and is only a few miles from campus. Evidence collection is helpful if you decide to talk to the police about the assault. Although the police will be called when you go to the Rape Treatment Center, you are not required to talk to them unless you want to. If you choose not to talk to the police then, the evidence that is collected will be kept on file if you decide later to press charges against the assailant. If you would like to have a counselor accompany you during the medical exam and during the police interview, the Rape Treatment Center will provide one for you. The counselor’s sole purpose is to help you cope with the hospital and the police, to answer any questions you might have, to help you decide whom you want to talk to about the assault and to help you deal with the aftermath of the sexual assault. You also have the right to have a friend or family member accompany you during the exam or police interview. Please link to Resources/Links for the contact information for the Rape Treatment Center and for further information please link to Immediate Help If You’ve Been Sexually Assaulted. If you are a UCLA student, staff or faculty member and are not ready or do not want to go to the Rape Treatment Center, please come in to the Center for Women & Men and speak with a Rape Services Consultant. Please link to Consultation & Referral for more information about Rape Services Consultants at UCLA.
The First Few Days or Weeks
In the first few days or weeks after an assault, many survivors want to put it behind
them, to forget it, and “get on with their lives.” This may be strengthened by
feelings of guilt, shame or responsibility which tell the survivor that if only
they had dressed or acted differently, walked a different route, not walked alone,
not gone up to his room or apartment, yelled louder, fought harder…there are many
ways which survivors of sexual assault blame themselves. Unfortunately, these
self-blaming attitudes are often reinforced by victim-blaming attitudes in
society, or the misunderstanding of friends or family. Survivors may then try
to deny that the assault has had any effect on them, or deny that it happened at
all by not talking to people around them. Denial is part of the recovery process
and very common, but ultimately you must cope with your reactions to the assault
and the feelings you have about it.This is also a time when survivors of sexual assault are likely to feel depressed, scared, or angry. You may find yourself being more concerned about being attacked again, and focus on locking doors and not being alone. You may also feel depressed and have difficulty with school, work, and other day-to-day activities. These reactions are all very normal and typical of survivors of sexual assault. Sexual assault counseling can be very helpful at this point in providing you with a supportive person to talk to, who understands what you’ve been through. It may be difficult to talk to family and friends, or they may not be supportive; having someone separate from your normal social network, who will keep everything confidential, can make it easier to talk about the assault. If you were physically injured during the assault, this time may be one of physical recovery as well. This is a time to take it easy and allow yourself space in which to recover. Remember, rape is not your fault, and you deserve time to heal.
Long-Term Recovery
Survivors often fear that they will never be the same after a sexual assault. A goal of long-term recovery is to integrate the assault into your life so that it is not a driving force affecting your behaviors, feelings, thoughts, or relationships. Although the memory will always be unpleasant, and the assault itself was traumatic, it is possible to be less affected by it as time goes by. Most survivors take some time to recover, but almost all DO eventually recover and are able to move on with their lives, feeling happy, safe, and fulfilled once again. It is normal, however, to experience some depression following the assault, and many people find themselves getting upset or frightened when something reminds them of the assault (e.g., TV shows, movies, yelling or arguments, a sexual experience, even if it is consensual, seeing someone who looks like the perpetrator). Ongoing therapy, support groups, and help from friends and family can all assist you in dealing with these feelings. Some survivors also find it healing to get involved in programs such as the Clothesline Project at UCLA, or training to be an advocate at a sexual assault counseling program such as the Los Angeles Commission on Assaults Against Women (LACAAW). Working to prevent rape and help other victims become survivors can be very healing and help with your own recovery. It is important to remember, however that there is no one right way to heal from a sexual assault and that different people recover i different ways. You should find the sources of support and help that are comfortable for you.
What can I do?
If you have been raped or sexually assaulted, or if think you have been,
but are not sure, it’s important to talk to someone. Counselors are available
to UCLA students, staff and faculty at the Center for Women & Men
(Consultation & Referral) and Student Psychological
Services on campus, as well as at many non-campus resources
(Links/Resources). These resources can help you
recover from the assault and can assist you in finding legal services and
pressing charges if you choose to do so. If you don’t feel comfortable
talking to someone face-to-face there are a number of anonymous hotlines
available. Remember, these resources are not just available for women,
or people of certain groups; no matter whom you are, you have the right
to talk to someone.Recovering from Intimate Partner Violence
Being the victim of violence in an intimate relationship can be very traumatic.
You have chosen to love and trust your partner and they have betrayed you with violence.
At the same time, there are often positive aspects of the relationship that lead the
victim of violence to believe their abuser loves them and will eventually change.
These two sides of a violent relationship often make it very difficult for the victim
of violence to know if they really love their partner or not, or if they want to stay
in the relationship or not. In fact, most victims of intimate partner violence report
that they do not want the relationship to end, they just want the abuse to stop.
They often experience mixed feelings and may also have a sense of responsibility,
that if only they can make things better, the violence will stop. It is very hard
to accept that you have no control over the other person’s behavior, but it is ultimately
more healing to recognize that the violence is not your fault, no matter what the
abuser may tell you.
Recovering from a violent relationship is a process that takes time, similar to recovering from sexual assault. Victims of intimate partner violence often experience depression, fear, self-blame, feelings of responsibility, difficulty concentrating, and helplessness, as well as the physical injuries associated with violence. Since abusive relationships are about power and control, victims of such abuse may have difficulty taking control of their lives back, particularly if the abuser has managed to isolate them socially or economically. There are, however, a number of services and organizations designed to help victims survive the abuse and move on with their lives.
While in an abusive relationship
If you are currently in an abusive relationship, the immediate concern is your
personal safety. Counselors and advocates can help you create a safety plan
to prevent injuries. Sometimes victims of relationship violence fear that
counselors will try to make them leave the relationship. Although some
counselors may have that goal, whether or not you leave, and when, are choices
that only you can make. If you do choose to leave the relationship, counselors
can help you figure out how to do so safely; if you are not ready to do so yet,
or want to continue in the relationship, counselors can help you develop safety
plans and cope with the feelings raised by violence.
Immediately after leaving
One of the biggest fears victims of relationship violence have about leaving is that
their partner will come after them and hurt them even more. This is a valid fear,
as violence does tend to escalate when the victim leaves. Because of this, it is
important to develop a safety plan with the help of friends, family members,
counselors, and the police. Although you do not have to talk to the police unless
you want to, they can be helpful in obtaining restraining orders and protecting your
safety.
Besides personal safety, survivors of intimate partner violence have to deal with emotional reactions to having been physically, emotionally, and/or sexually abused by a loved one. As mentioned above, it is common to experience depression, feelings of helplessness and rage, hopelessness, self-blame, and fear. Support from friends, family members, and often counselors or therapists can help you in your recovery. Shelters are also available to help you get back on your feet, and are especially important if you were economically dependent on your partner. There are a number of shelters in the Los Angeles area that are free of charge, most of which accept children as well. Unfortunately, most shelters do not provide residential services for male victims of domestic violence, but most will provide assistance in finding a safe place and accessing other resources. There is one shelter that will accept men and fortunately it is in Southern California. In addition, the UCLA Student Loan Services and LA County Victim/Witness Assistance Program can assist you financially and with obtaining other services. The Animal Safety Net is also available FREE of charge to protect pets, as some abusers will harm their partner’s pets as part of their abuse. These referrals can be found if you link to Links/Resources.
Long-term recovery
Survivors of intimate partner violence can and do recover and are able to live happy,
fulfilling lives, in which they are safe from violence and abuse. Recovery is a process,
however, and the length of time varies for different people. As with immediate recovery,
ongoing counseling or therapy can be extremely helpful. Sexual violence is often a part
of intimate partner violence and counseling can also be extremely helpful in recovering
from that trauma as well. Many survivors of intimate partner violence experience
difficulty in trusting intimate relationships again, and long-term recovery may focus
on that issue as well. Some survivors also find it healing to get involved in programs
such as the Clothesline Project at UCLA, or training
to be an advocate at programs such as the Los Angeles Commission on Assaults Against
Women (LACAAW).
What can I do?
If you are currently, or have been, abused by your partner, or think you might be,
it is important that you talk to someone. There are a number of services available
on campus for UCLA students, staff and faculty, including The Center for Women
& Men (Consultation & Referral) and Student
Psychological Services. These offices are staffed with people who are sensitive
to the issues in both opposite-sex and same-sex intimate partner violence and
can help you both to recover from the abusive relationship and to find other
services and assistance you might need.
Please link to Intimate Partner Violence for more information. |