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Frequently Asked Questions about Sex
This section deals specifically with sexual health and questions about intimate/sexual encounters and relationships. These might include questions about physical attributes, experiences, sexual identity, emotions connected to sex, questions about STDs, and sexual behavior on campus. Condoms In this day and age, and at your age, condoms are a basic necessity for college students who choose to be sexually active. You already have the stresses of classes, tests, papers, a social life and trying to get sleep to complicate your life, so who needs to worry about STDs and/or unplanned pregnancies? How effective are condoms?
How do I use a condom properly?
What are the different types of condoms?
Where can I get condoms on campus?
Whose responsibility is birth control? Should I bring a condom with me on a date? What if I'm embarrassed to get condoms in public?
Note: Most of our stats come from “The Truth About Condoms”, a fact sheet produced by the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS). The full text is available at http://www.siecus.org/pubs/fact/fact0011.html. They say it will make you go blind. It will give you hairy palms. It will turn you into a hyper-sexualized beast. It will sap your “vital energies”. It will stunt your growth. You will run out of semen and not be able to bear children. Studies have shown that 80% of males and 59% of females have masturbated by the age of 18. So if these myths and old wives tales about masturbation were true, then the vast majority of people on this campus would be hairy, blind, short, and sterile nymphomaniacs. This, of course, does not seem to be true. Today's health community is virtually unanimous in concluding that masturbation is a natural and healthy activity. It can be helpful for a person's personal sexual growth by facilitating exploration of their sexuality, their bodily responses, and in personal sexual satisfaction (i.e. release of sexual tension). But just because someone does not masturbate does not mean that they are abnormal. Masturbation is one of those things that you are normal if you do it and also normal if you do not do it. It can be a good thing, but there is no rule about having to masturbate. People partake or don't for their own reasons. It is important to pay attention to friction and the possible need for lubrication. It is the friction that makes the activity enjoyable, but too much friction can cause skin irritation and other discomfort. It is also important to be choosy with your locations and times for self-discovery. Privacy will make the activity more enjoyable for you and decrease the chances for embarrassment on both sides if someone walks in on you. If you masturbate with a partner or in the presence of a partner (but hopefully not in a public place), it is important to remember that the same rules you follow for safe sex also apply to masturbation, because there is the risk of fluid and/or genital contact. STDs can still be transmitted and pregnancy can still result even if there is only a small amount of fluid exchanged or a minimal amount of contact between genitals. Latex or polyurethane condoms, refraining from genital or fluid contact, spermicidal foams and jellies, and other safe-sex methods should be used when masturbating with a partner to ensure the safety of everyone involved. Just because masturbation is a normal and healthy activity does not mean that there are no limits. Over-masturbation can lead to some health problems and like all pleasurable or enjoyable things, masturbation can become a very difficult addiction. Masturbation is fine as long as it does not become compulsive or interfere with your healthy functioning as a human being. There can be psychological effects, especially when masturbation is your only form of sexual satisfaction. For example, you may get used to being pleasured in a certain way, and then have difficulty “getting off” when you have a partner. Those pleasurable chemicals released in the brain can also produce a compulsion. If you feel an obsessive need to masturbate all the time, you might need to evaluate your behavior and how it is affecting your life. Excessive masturbation (frequency varies between individuals, but if it compromises your ability to function then it is excessive) has also been correlated to depression, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and loss of energy. These seem to be related to the way masturbation affects brain chemistry and hormone levels. An orgasm releases endorphins and other mood enhancing drugs, and excessive masturbation can result in an increased production of sex hormones and neurotransmitters such as acetylcholine, dopamine and serotonin. These chemicals can have adverse effects when they are released at an accelerated rate. Cultural taboos of masturbation as a dirty and sinful act were quite prevalent up until the last century, when people came to view masturbation not as an abomination but as an inevitable byproduct of human sexuality. Though masturbation is now considered benign, we may have various residual feelings of guilt, shame, or confusion from our individual upbringings and the messages we received. But rest assured, masturbation will not kill you, it will not give you hairy palms, and it will not create physical damage (unless it is taken to an extreme or if for some reason you use dangerous props in the process). If you are willing to risk the embarrassment of being caught by a roommate and can resist turning it into an obsessive compulsion, masturbation is a healthy and normal aspect of sexuality. Why are men so obsessed with penis size? Has anyone else's email inbox been invaded by junk-mail advertising bigger penis sizes, bigger breasts, and better “performance”? Our society definitely has a fascination with size, and it has had a major influence on how we view ourselves and each other and on how we construct our connections between body image and self esteem. The truth of the matter is that there are much more important things to worry about when satisfying your partner. There is a long standing myth that helps contribute to our obsession with size. It equates physical size with manhood and sexual prowess. It is the myth that says that a large penis and large muscles are essential for being a “real man” and satisfying a partner. It fuels countless insecurities and speculations such as, “Am I big enough? What size does she/he want? What can I do to make it look bigger?” This myth is perpetuated throughout locker rooms across America , especially is high school when young men are experiencing changes in their bodies but do not receive adequate answers to questions they have about themselves. Where do these myths of size come from? The porn world helps perpetuate the myths by using actors and actresses with inflated symbols of masculinity and femininity such as large penises and large breasts. Advertising for fitness equipment and supplements as well as penis “enhancing” pills and pumps love to tell you that size is everything. Movies and comic books are also filled with huge muscular heroes who use raw strength to fix problems (real life, of course, is much more complicated than this). Advertisements attempt to make a profit off of men's insecurities. Along with movies, they also help to increase our insecurities by surrounding us in messages about how our bodies should look. At one time physical size and violence may have made a man more attractive to mates due to a need for protection in a violent world. However, the 21st century lacks saber-toothed tigers and saber-toting pirates, which means that there are better indicators of a man's usefulness as a mate than merely muscle mass. Personality traits such as honesty, humor, empathy, and compassion are more likely to make you sexy than a large penis. Before you start envying men with huge penises, also remember that an overly large penis is not necessarily more desired by your partner. An overly long or thick penis may cause more pain than pleasure, while a more average-sized penis may be more comfortable for your partner. What is a normal size? The average-sized penis when erect, for those interested, is between 5 and 6.5 inches. Physical size, like much in this world, follows a typical bell-shaped curve. There is a large bulge in the middle of the graph, while the extreme edges taper off to relatively few individuals. Some men are larger in a flaccid state, but once erect, most penises are about the same size. This is because most penises are smaller, but grow substantially once pumped full of blood. Men who look larger when they are flaccid stay about the same size whether flaccid or erect. If you are still worried about your size, bone up (pun intended) on techniques that will please your lover while increasing your confidence. There is much more to making love than just having a penis. Touching, kissing, holding, and massaging, tasting, talking, numerous erogenous zones, and body positioning, can all be very helpful in producing an enjoyable experience for all parties involved. If you're worried about satisfying your lover, figure out what they really want. Open communication and honesty are foundations of a healthy relationship, and especially sexual relationships. If you pay attention to things that really turn them on, neither of you will be focused on the size of your penis. And if a large penis is the only quality a person is looking for in a lover, do you want to be with this person? Your non-sexual behavior and personality will have a huge effect on your relationship. It might be more beneficial for your dating life if you focused on cultivating aspects of yourself which are actually in your control to change, such as personal style of rapport, than on things which are beyond your control such as penis size. Remember, YOU are attached to your penis. There are two entire bodies involved during sex, plus emotions, thoughts, and feelings. By not concentrating on your penis and its size, you can concentrate on what will really be pleasing to you and your partner. Check out ”From a Woman's Perspective” for another view about penis size. How do I know when I have consent? The best method and the only way to be sure you have consent is to ask directly. Remember that to be a valid consent the person must be awake and sober. Look for overt signs of enjoyment in your partner such as laughing, smiling, or a passionate response to what you are doing. Bottom Line: Pay attention to both your partner's words and behaviors and if in doubt – don't proceed. The majority of date rapes reported at UCLA are not intended to be or considered as rape by the man involved; do meet the California Penal Code definition of rape; and do not involve physical force. To protect yourself you must get consent. Failure to obtain consent can result in being removed from the campus, difficulty getting into grad school, interpersonal emotional damage and difficulty with career success. The following components most be present for consent to occur: C Comprehension: They are awake and aware the act is taking place. O Optional: Both parties want to have sex willingly. N Negotiation with partner: Make sure you are both on board. S Sobriety :They are sober and can give an informed consent. E Engagement in the act: They are actively involved. N Nonviolent. T Talking about it/communication: Silence does not equal consent. For more info on sex & dating see Upcoming Workshops & Events Links:
It would depend on the kind of "contact" we're talking about. Kissing and fondling are low risk activities when it comes to pregnancy, and you don't have to worry. If clothes came off however, the chances start to go up. When there is any kind of genital contact there is a chance of pregnancy when bodily fluids are introduced. If the man ejaculates, it's possible for the semen to enter the vagina and travel far enough to cause a pregnancy. The chances of becoming pregnant this way are still relatively low, but why take the chance? If you are being intimate with a partner, you want to make sure that the man is wearing a condom as soon as clothes come off. We also need to consider sexually transmitted diseases in this situation. Even if the man doesn't ejaculate, pre-cum (the lubricating fluid that exits the penis before ejaculation) and vaginal secretions can spread STDs. Be safe and be smart. When in doubt slap on a condom! What can be the effects of having anal sex for the first time? First of all, the anal membrane does not have the same elasticity as the vagina, and requires you to go a little slower. The membrane is also very delicate, and will tear if it is stretched too far. Even if you used lubricant, you may still find that there is discomfort. The answer here is to give it some time, and "train" the area to loosen, so you can enjoy sex without pain. Never force it, as you could cause serious damage. If you ever experience pain during sex, you should stop. If the area continues to hurt, you may want to see a doctor to make sure the membrane has not torn, and that there is no infection present. Also, remember that the skin is much more likely to develop micro-fractures which will expose both participants to the others bodily fluids. Make sure that you use a condom to reduce this risk. I feel like I'm the only guy not having sex at UCLA. Is everybody having sex but me? It is perfectly normal to think that you're the only person at UCLA not having sex, in the same way some students believe that they are the only one not drinking alcohol. There are myths in college that are so ingrained we don't even really know where they come from, although movies and TV play a part. Many of our first ideas about college came from movies that show how succeeding in college means getting laid as much as possible. Studies at UCLA have shown that around half (50%) of the students here at UCLA, who are under the age of 21, have not had sexual intercourse. When students are asked what percent of the school they think is sexually active they often guess closer to 80%. The perception is just not true. The decision to have sex is an individual one, and everyone must decide for themselves when is the right time. There can be a lot of pressure in college to have sex, but you shouldn't ever feel like you have to have sex. There is a lot of pressure on men to be sexually active, and men often boast of their prowess and sexual conquests to seem more experienced than they might be in reality. Check out this link: Abstinence More Prevalent Than Bruins May Think to find out more about the habits of UCLA students. |